I have so much to say. But no words to describe it. I feel like I’ve been living in a dream. And now I woke up to a cold hard reality. in ice cold Germany. But reality is what we create. So I will start dreaming again. ūüôā

“I have died everyday for you, darling don’t be afraid, I have loved you for a thousand years, I’ll love you for a thousand more.” … is playing on my spotify¬†while I’m writing that. The song, that I’ve been singing with that amazing busker across the opera house in Sydney, just before I went to the airport to fly to San Diego. This song resonates with me so much. Because it reveals the core truth of my heart. And this is what this project is about. Speaking the truth. And I will. But I have to respect other peoples freewill choices.

As I’m not supposed to write anything about a certain person anymore, I will leave out cretain names and focus on events and my perspective on things that have been happening since I was writing my last post concerning my mission to save the world, 16 days ago. 16 days, that felt like 16 life times. 16 days, that have been full of events, experiences and adventures. Full of confusion and uncertainty. Full of pain and growth and transformation.

16 days that started with a big hello and lots of goodbyes, every single day.

lol…I’m way to good at goodbyes is playing now. My spotify is really like a magic juke box.

But every time you hurt me, the less that I cry
And every time you leave me, the quicker these tears dry
And every time you walk out, the less I love you
Baby, we don’t stand a chance, it’s sad but it’s true
I’m way too good at goodbyes.
This really applies to my life … lol. Tiniest goodbyes were able to rip my heart out when I was younger. Now that I have a deep understanding of myself and life, its more like a neutral realization from a third person perspective that comes with a lower motivation and drive than usual, but not with any uncontrolled feelings like desperate depression or something alike. Emotions are really governed by our minds and once you are aware of that, you will be able to put yourself into any state of mind. I chose the empire state of mind for my next mission.
“I’m only human and I bleed when I fall down.” … now playing. That song is true. Kind of. I am way more than just human. But I know how the human game works. I can bleed and be neutral about it. Because there is really no use to cry about spilled milk.
I will keep up that writing style combining movies, songs and my real life events with fiction. Because I like it. and just because the last story didn’t end in a perfect fairytale manner, doesn’t mean that it has been a bad end. But I will turn the story into art anyway. But before I do, I owe someone an explanation, so here we go:

Dear Mr. Grey,

at first, I¬†want¬†apologize for my behavior towards you when we saw each other the last time. I blamed you for not listening but whatever we say to others, we basically say to ourselves, so I wasn’t listening either. I admit that I got really absorbed in my ongoing spiritual social experiment and it must have made a really confusing impression from a human perspective. So obviously, I messed that one up, I’m sorry. I also realized that I have to speak to you from a logical mind space only, not from the heart, which I will do from now on.

Please be aware of the fact that neither my family nor I¬†are¬†interested in discussing any of the past events because it doesn’t¬†affect the present moment that we live in and we do never shame or judge any of our members for any of their thoughts or actions. This is what unconditional love and support¬†is¬†about, it¬†doesnt¬†matter what someone said or did, we’ll love and support each other anyway and never speak¬†badly about a member.

therefore we won’t make it a center of attention as a family, to be honest,¬†no body¬†cares anyway. whatever happened, happened. You have the possibility to speak to me about it personally though if you are seeking for answers, I will be happy to serve you in a language that you are able to access and understand.

As I see you as a part of my family, I want you to know that I will always offer you unconditional love and support in any form if you ask for it, no matter where I am, no matter what has happened or no matter what circumstances any of us is currently in. I promise not to judge you or fight with you because that’s not in my nature. All I want is peace and harmony.

Therefore you will never hear me say one single word against you in public or towards another person, especially not to justify myself or my actions.

Even if I knew that you said or did something wrong, I will share the truth with you in person if you let me, but only to give you feedback and to help you grow, not to judge or make you feel bad. Even if my actions might have been influenced by you or your energy, even if you knew that and I got myself in trouble to help you or whatever, I will take full responsibility and deal with the consequences. Because this is what family does for another. We don’t go against each other, no matter how much someone messed up.¬†thats¬†why we all start over fresh, every single day.

Thats all I wanted to share. You are welcome to get to know my family personally and be treated as one of us. you are invited to stay with us or stay wherever you like. You can even bring your girlfriend if you want, I really dont care. None of us does. We are available until end January, after that we will be on vacation and busy with building our business.

its¬†not the end of time, if you feel like you’re not ready this time, that’s okay. I free you from our deal, I¬†dont¬†need you, I obviously have a family. so¬†its¬†up to you and your free will to come and visit. please be aware that this is an OFFER, serving YOU, not a duty. but please respect our time and energy as we do respect yours. nobody here is interested in playing games. our souls are too old for that. we’d love to have you but if that’s not happening, that’s fine too.¬†Its¬†really up to you.

best regards, Bella.

Thats all that is left to say. My path will lead me to NYC. Big dreams, street lights, all looking pretty.

Jeeeeeeesussssss, whats wrong with that Spotify. Unconditional, unconditionally, I will love you unconditionally. There is no fear now, let go and just be free, I will love you unconditionally.

Come just as you are to me
Don’t need apologies
Know that you are all worthy
I’ll take your bad days with your good
Walk through this storm I would
I’d do it all because I love you, I love you…unconditionally.

Playin’ now.

Ummmm……yesssssss, I really do. because that is what a twin flame connection is about. its about loving the other one unconditionally. No matter where they are, what they do, who they are with. And its learned the best when things don’t go as expected. When there is a big big explosion of triggered feelings, issues and whatever shit you can imagine. So I let go of everything today, knowing that on a soul level, we can never be seperate. we would probably never chose those connections as humans. Because its just too intense. It hurts too much. Its too scary. therefore many decide not to be together in the physical world, even though they could be the best friends that you could ever imagine. like one. But when there is no alignment within ONE in the first place, a twin flame makes that missing alignment – aka CHAOS – even worse. So its time to say goodbye sometimes. At least for a while. And sometimes that hurts. As long as you allow it to hurt.

Theres a hole in my heart, can you fix it? theres a hole in my heart, since you been gone. OMG, that spotify lol.

“Acceptance is the key to be, to be truly free.” Back to the only thing that works here.

It is so true.

its 12 am on the 16th of January. An amazing date. 1162018. New Moon. New Start.

So I will finish this crescent moon phase tonight and say goodbye … one last time. Knowing that this goodbye is never forever. Because the only thing that is truly forever is the bond between souls. Forever is an awfully long time.

It hurts to make this cut. The first cut is the deepest. And my heart has been trained well enough to know that nothing could ever really break it.

And I am off to new adventures. Like I said: NYC! Making music. Meeting friends. Enjoying life. If I can make it there, I can make it anywhere. So lets see how far I’ll go. Come what may – I know the way. I am Moana. ūüėõ

You know you love me,

xoxo #Goaldiggerbabe

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Written by dajana
Blogger & Entrepreneur